I've been in regular contact with him, I would have thought he could request a meeting when he's over here or pick up the phone and talk to me. "I was disappointed, the timing is never great when someone says that, but particularly the night before the Melbourne game. at which point we realised with great sorrow that Tabloid Wayne is considerably more attractive than she was. Without doubt, he is the best 21-year-old I have ever had." All of which flattery prompted the Fiver to try and recall the best 21-year-old we've ever had. His enthusiasm is an inspiration to everybody.
He doesn't just have ability, he has a fire inside him. "It was always destined to be that way, I guess, because Wayne is truly blessed. Now he is 21 people say 'What will he be like at 25?'," said Lord Ferg of the birthday boy, prompting the Fiver to muse that if Rooney doesn't bundle one over the line soon he'll probably be playing in the Conference with his beard tied around his waist. "When we signed him at 18, everyone said 'What will he be like at 21?'. Selected highlights? Becoming the Premiership's and England's youngest goalscorer, collecting the BBC Young Sports Personality of the Year award, seeing his wages rise from £80 to £51,755 per week in a few years, signing for the Rowdies for £27m, scoring regularly for the MU Rowdies and England (before stopping abruptly), and signing the largest sports book deal in publishing history despite not being able to write.
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But as he tears the wrapping paper from the ridiculously expensive watch, golf simulator and designer bag that fiancee Coleen bought him for his birthday, Tabloid Wayne can look back on his 21 years on God's green earth with a certain amount of pride.
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